Acceptance

How many times do we expect from another person to be something that they’re not? How often are we dissatisfied because of things that we have not been able to get or achieve? How often does life pass us by, while we are upset because we’d like for things to be different?

It’s not about losing hope or settling for less than our dreams. Comfort and gratitude are good states unless they prevent you from reaching your full potential. It’s about acceptance. It’s about understanding that we don’t have control over everything; we can’t live our lives trying to change things or people into what we want them to be. Accepting is understanding that for now, this is the way things are. At least for now. At this moment in time.

Sometimes, the best you can do is do everything that you can and then simply wait. To accept does not mean that you have to change your plans, it means that sometimes when you stop being so controlling and just let things flow, there is a bigger chance of things flowing in the direction that you want. 

To accept is to live in accordance with your own being. It’s about having the courage of living your own life, and not subordinating yourself to someone else’s plans. Often, the fear of being “excluded” can lead to adapting our wishes, expectations or decisions to those expectations from who we want a (false) acceptance.

To accept is a commitment to ourselves; to be honest about the way WE feel and think.

The theory of acceptance invites us to live our lives now, without travelling to the past or the future, so that we don’t lose focus. To accept is to be in touch with reality, with the present time, with what is happening here and now.

It’s liberating to think that once we stop being a fighting force and let things flow more naturally with what we have, we will breathe new airs, without leaving everything to the whims of uncertain times. After the rain, the sun always shines. If it’s raining today, try walking in the rain.



Extract from an article I read yesterday.
Source: LNR
This article is written by Jose Antonio García Higuera, a psychologist from Spain.
Translation: Michelle Cameron
Photo courtesy: Vogue UK

Thirty Something

You know that song "Paradise" by Coldplay? there is a part that says: "life goes on, it gets so heavy..."

After thirty, people start to have issues. Not that we don't have them before but when we're twenty, for example, who cares if we screw up? I mean isn't that what young people do? At thirty, however, it's a different story and we become more demanding of ourselves. We expect something more from our lives.

Deep conversations with people in their thirties, friends mostly, have led me to realise the diversity of needs and wishes that people have:

- Some are looking for a partner.

- Some people want to quit their jobs and get a ticket to go see the world.

- Some are looking for a job (or a better job)

- Some are looking for a new apartment or house.

- Some want a husband who is more connected to the family.

- Some people want to make more money.

- Others want a divorce.

- Some people want kids.

- Some people want to fall in love with their partner all over again.

- Some men want their wives to work or study or just do something different than spend all day with the kids.

- Some want to have sex with their wives again.

- Some people don't know what they want.


Those are just some examples, but the important thing, I think, is to not feel alone in whatever your "search" is. Just remember that there are many people in their thirties with issues just like you. Remember also, that there is a direct link between how we see the world, the actions we take and the results we get.

Once we understand this, we are free to make the change or changes that will bring us closer to our truest wishes and needs.

2011

“A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed...

It feels an impulse...this is the place to go now.

But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.”

- Richard Bach

Malnatti

This is an interview to Daniel Malnatti, an Argentinian journalist I read in La Nacion, which made me laugh so I thought I’d share it with you:


I read on the internet that as a child you wanted to be a priest, is that right?

-Yes, I am a believer. I have a natural tendency to believe. I need to believe. As a teenager I wanted to be a priest. Then I believed in justice and became a lawyer. Now I’m in a world of beliefs which is a bit more complex, a private religion called neurosis.

Private-Why?

-Because everyone adapts it to his or her own life. You have the person who walks without stepping on the lines of the sidewalk tiles to the perfectionist who stays up working all night.

And you are…?

-I prefer not to answer.

Well ... we're all a little neurotic.

-Yes, 94.9% of Argentina's population is structured with a neurotic personality


Aha. This data is very accurate...?

-It is. This is official data of the Psychoanalytic Association of Argentina and the Artemio Lopez consultants, who are the only ones authorized to speak.

How is this picture completed?

The other 5% of the population shows decidedly psychotic features. And it is precisely this equation that makes the production and GDP remain high.


Reviewing: the neurotic 94.9%, 5% psychotic, and the remaining 0.1%?

-Schizophrenic. People who question and answer themselves.

Revealing

lol!

How beautiful is that action that produces a strange and invigorating reaction in your entire body? A reaction that is physical, psychological and chemical at the same time and that changes the way you feel? "Laughter is a funny sound but when I laugh it’s a great feeling. " - Billy Crystal.

Statistics from a recent study show that children laugh about 300 times a day while adults only laugh about 10 to 15 times a day. This result is a bit worrying, no? I relate laughter with how well we are, ourselves.

When you laugh, according to Freud, the ego seeks to find pleasure and refuses to accept suffering that comes from the outside world.

According to Victor Frankl “Humor can provide the necessary distance to overcome any situation, even for a few seconds. “Attempts of developing a sense of humor, to see things in a humorous light are a trick I learned while we mastered the art of living, for, even in a concentration camp, it is possible to master the art of living ". - VF

Laughter is a privilege that men do not share with any other species, it seems; it is possibly the last thing to be lost. Once, a man was sentenced to death in Texas and as they were about to sit him in the electric chair someone asked him if he wanted a cigarette. He replied: 'No thanks, I'm trying to quit smoking' ... #okay

Laughter is cathartic, like dancing, it produces a break in the situations, it is pure profit. Laughter changes the look that you have on the self, raises self-esteem, develops hope, stimulates creativity, makes you younger, healthier and improves your relationships with others.

So ... why not laugh more and take things a little less seriously!

In this photo: Mich and Julia

Plato's cavern

I'm reading Laurent Gounelle's "I Will Not Leave Without Telling You Where I go" and have come across a few passages that deal with something that we sometimes resist: change. The translation is mine because the version I'm reading is in Spanish.

"Today a lot of people live in Plato's Cavern without even realizing it. They are afraid of what is unknown to them and reject any sort of change that affects them personally. They have ideas, projects, dreams but they do not fulfill them because they are often paralyzed by fear. Their feet and hands are held by handcuffs to which they only have the key to unlock. Keys hang in their neck but they never take them.

Life itself is made up of continuous change. It would not make any sense to hang on to the status quo. Only the dead remain still. We not only have to accept change, we also have to start it in order to be able to evolve in the sense that is most convenient to us.

[...] Resistance to change is what makes adults and children differ. Children feel like evolving while adults often do everything they can not to. (perhaps not at a conscious level)
When we no longer feel like evolving, we start to die very slowly...

[...] If you want to be young all your life, continue evolving, learning, discovering, don't lock yourself up in habit that makes your mind get stuck nor in the comfort of what is already known to you because before you know it you could become numb."

Remember that destiny is also an excuse for not making things happen. You create.

routes

"If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?"
- Thomas Lovell Beddoes

it's complicated

Argentine singer, Andrés Calamaro, wrote this song called "One can't live just from love"


I bought this great book by Walter Riso "A Guide to Avoid Dying from Love. Ten Principles of Emotional Survival". I found it tough yet excellent. A short and perhaps interesting read for those who say you can work out relationship- related problems on your own and that getting psychological help has never crossed your mind.

I may be wrong, but I checked and did not find a version of this book in English, so I’m quoting some interesting points I found. I hope it helps those who are looking for a relationship, those who are already in one and all you love birds who may be thinking of ways of making your love life even better.

"Feelings do not cover everything in a relationship. Specialists say that 'Love isn't enough' and they may be right. Our choice of a couple should be more thought out and less visceral: "I like a lot of things in you, I want you, but I am still not sure weather you fit in my life or not, even though my body and my being push me towards you in a confusing way'. I am sorry for love fans but for people who live in an earthly world and have not transcended yet, love isn't usually that unconditional (the amount of deserters in the subject gets bigger every day) nor it moves mountains, if you don't pay enough attention to it, if you don't know how to handle it, it crushes you, it overwhelms you.

You should put your enthusiasm aside for a moment, before making a blind decision and connect to a more controlled processing system (I am saying you can stop being so hippomaniac or in love for a few moments, you can try to relax voluntarily). Once you have arrived back on earth, you should consider the advantages and disadvantages, pros, cons and expectations and try to see reality as it is (not blinded by love). This, will allow you to, in the future, be able to integrate feelings, reality and emotions and to realize when one is missing or excessively present.

Functional and healthy couples love freely (they are able to use their own time however they please), in a non possessive way (no one belongs to the other) and without the need for the other to be present at all times (they can be on their own, do their own thing). If you are capable of deciding about your own timing, if you don't feel you are 'owned' by someone and at the same time you feel you can walk through life on your own, you have entered the grounds of mature love.

A good relationship requires at least three factors to work at the same time: desire / attraction; friendship and tenderness. If your relationship is lacking one of those components, it could be going down hill. Analyze them and make your own decisions.

The following, is a phrase by Stendahl that has always caused a great impact on me because of its beauty and realism: 'Love is a very beautiful flower but you have to have the courage to go look for it at the edge of an abyss.'

In love you sweat, you fight, you make up, you create day by day. If you are a very romantic person, you will have a minimal resistance to the hardships love brings.

Some think that love causes suffering, others are naïf enough to believe in the ingenuity of romantic love. Realistic love, however, may be half way between those two poles. Love, in a relationship, isn't always a fairy tale though some insist on calling it that. It brings good and bad times, you will have to learn to deal with.

If behaviors and negative attitudes go over the limit, you will have to jump; if there is respect within what is acceptable and feelings are sponsored by solid love, you go on in your relationship. Love grows and develops.




Post by: Valeria Méndez Cañas

LOVE

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

- Erich Fromm

men

Photo: Ricardo Darín for Etiqueta Negra


One of the reasons why I like Psychology is that after years of studying it and practicing, you develop this ability to stop, contemplate and start again; to alter reality in a way that is suitable to yourself. I realize not everyone can acquire these skills nor is courageous enough to face his or her own limitations, but what happens when one accepts reality as it comes, without questioning it?

Let's take the concept of manhood, for example, and examine it. Although roles have changed somewhat in Argentina, in the popular imaginary men are taught to act tough, to be like "machos".

Traditionally, boys are educated by their mothers. Although in modern times, fathers are more active when it comes to child care, most fathers continue to be busy working and trying to be successful while most mothers stay home. This shortage of contact between sons and fathers creates an emotional gap between them in which there is perhaps not enough room for bonding, for closeness. This is why, it is in childhood, that boys often develop difficulties in learning what relating to other men is like.

They turn to their mothers with whom they talk, share their problems, their successes and failures, their everyday life. Boys see their father's through their mother's eyes. Boys are taught to "be strong" and to "put up" with things. What later happens when these boys become men is that they want to overcome the pain this has caused them without really dealing with it.

Facing that pain means accepting and talking about their father's failures and also dealing with change.

We like the work of Guillermo Vilaseca, who has thought about some of these issues deeply and has developed a program for men. They meet to think about themselves, their masculine condition and their relationship with the world, their fathers, their sons, women and work.

Men are used to having power, being tough, feeling important, proud and sure of themselves. But things are changing and the world is moving to a more feminine, communicative, empathetic, intuitive style.

Some men are receptive to this change, they understand that it’s not always about power, strength, dominance, etc. Mr. Vilaseca's work, along with various studies in Psychology show that when distances in bonds are shorter, individuals are likely to better off in their relationships.



Post by: Valeria Mendez Cañas
Editor: Mich Cameron

you and i

Good, healthy love feels relaxed and comfortable. This does not mean there will not be differences or arguments. One can argue comfortably because there is respect, and when you are reaching a war zone you realize it is better to stop before you hurt your partner. You both know that it’s not a matter of winning or losing. It’s not a competition.

Communication, as we know, is one of the most important factors in a relationship. Being able to communicate and to pass on to your partner a message without interference is key in a healthy relationship. When there is love between two people who are responsible for their words or their acts, no one is afraid of being misunderstood and communication is clear, even when what is being said may be painful or irritating.

Good communication does not leave doubts or double meanings, and it never tries to get a speculative advantage of the other. Arguments are used in a positive way, arguments are used to build agreements.

In love, the other one is always on the same side of the street, although his or her thinking may be different because caring is what is most important in the relationship. As you see, true love is the one that has gone past the barriers of being in love and the narcissistic period of the relationship.

In love, there is happiness for the other's happiness. His or her own existence produces happiness; this is only possible with people who feel free, sure of themselves, independent and satisfied with their own lives.

People with the capacity to love are generous and thankful. They value their present and don't cry over what they never had or think they should have had. They have a great capacity to learn and a hopeful outlook on life.

In your opinion, what other points make a relationship healthy?


Patricia Faur - Estres conyugal, Ediciones B, Bs. As., 2011.

dia del niño

Paintng by Milo Lockett


Argentina celebrates a peculiar holiday this coming Sunday. We call it "Children's day" and I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about childhood.

Childhood is the stage where it all begins. There is a lot of potential in that stage that develops over time. Much has been said about raising children but I think it has to do, foremost, with having a loving/positive relationship with them and your partner. You have to be encouraging and respectful at the same time. That simple, that hard.

To me, teaching/helping children to become INDEPENDENT is key. Once they achieve that at home and feel confident about themselves they will be able to use that confidence as a resource in life. Independence should not be imposed, it should be taught as something to conquer.

When I think of childhood, I think of these words: play, fun, games, friends, treats, toys, swimming, affection, sports, feelings, proximity, assurance, trust, simplicity, creation, fights, hardships, learning, laughter. Francoise Dolto, a famous French psychoanalyst, once said in her book The Cause of Children: "The sources of knowledge are found in children. They are metaphysical. They are beings that ask themselves true questions. As metaphysicists, they look for answers."

In Childhood, playing is the way to independence, a way to find one's own answers. Playing is natural and universal. It is the space we use to develop our potential. It is where children learn to control what they couldn't handle before, it is a creative experience in which their inner world, their own subjectivity is projected, it is a basic way of life. Playing helps us develop, it makes us feel omnipotent, gives us great pleasure and satisfaction, it surprises us, it is where we learn to trust ourselves, where we develop our self esteem.

Unfortunately, some of the spontaneity of childhood fades away in adulthood. We get too taken up by, as The Little Prince would say, "the adult world". I can think of someone that has not lost that freshness, Argentine painter Milo Lockett. He became famous a few years ago when he won ArteBA's most important prize. Everyone in Argentina has heard of him, and his works are purchased massively. He lives in the province of Chaco, he paints images of children, women, men and animals the same way a 4-5 year old would. His style, critics say, fits the category of "art brut". Milo has taught himself the skill, he learned to paint in childhood, he was passionate about it. His art is uncontaminated by artistic conventions, his work is spontaneous and his images, simple. Milo defines himself as an adult that never stopped being a child. I think Milo's case illustrates what childhood is and how it often continues, creatively, later on in life. Perhaps it is this that drives the masses to consume his work.

Happy Children's Day to your kids and to your inner child!

Post by: Valeria Mendez Canas

Finding happiness

Photo: Lucian Pellat Finet


A trait that applies generally to the people of Argentina is Pessimism; Argentines tend to see the negative side of everything. One explanation for this is that our country was originally made up of foreigners who missed their homelands and who were sad because of this. That sadness and the resulting negative outlook passed on from
one generation to the next.

Paul Watzlawick has a book called "How Real is Real?," in which he discusses the influence people have on reality. What is real, I think, is what we make out of life. As children, we are mainly influenced by what goes on inside our families, and that sticks to us, so if you have suffered a negative event and given it a certain amount of relevance, it tends to add some grey to your life, to make it sadder. The more space you give it, the busier your head will be, in a negative way. If you ignore it, it will seem invisible, but have an effect in your life (bother you, still).  What we are not always taught while we are growing up is a positive way to deal with situations.

We are often taught single sided answers to situations when there are many. We are taught one person is the leader, the other the disciple; one person is the victim, the other the offender; one has a passive role, the other has an active role, and this isn't always the case. Whoever plays the victim likes to play that role, and has probably contributed to the situation. Perhaps it's necessary to find an offender to be upset with. Is acting the victim a good position in life, or is playing the role of offender better?

Some currents of Psychology focus on a person's traumatic events so that they don't interfere with their life today. However, due to the fact that psychologists need to remain neutral during the course of a treatment, they don't guide patients enough on their way towards happiness. The work for it to be meaningful and lasting has to be done by the patient. A lot of psychologists are themselves are searching for happiness. Freud said that a psychoanalytical treatment offers relief but does not guarantee happiness. The key to happiness lies inside our own heads and a viable way to be at ease with ourselves is to take time to learn about ourselves and our issues, knowing that there is not only one solution to a problem but many and that it is up to us to stretch our minds so as to search for those answers.

When a child is diagnosed with ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, what can his parents do? Can they just give medications? The words in the diagnosis itself are indicating the problem: deficit, lack of attention. Aren't parents capable of realizing that their child is acting strangely as a way of demanding more attention? Perhaps children diagnosed with ADD are just bored. Does anyone ever think about that? Medication in such cases does not necessarily solve the problem. It just suppresses a child's feelings.

When someone is diagnosed with "Depression", is it necessary to accept the diagnosis, or is it better to decide to overcome that state of mind?

Martin Seligman, the founder of a movement in Psychology called Positive Psychology, says we should be aware of but not get stuck on the issues that bother us, or the mistakes we have made. We shouldn't ask ourselves in regards to those events, "Why was I such a fool?".

I think happiness has more to do with being positive, forgiving, with having good expectations and most of all, with being active and pushing things so that they go the way you want them to go, not thinking that reality has already been determined and that you have to accept it.



Post by: Valeria Mendez Cañas - associate psychologist

it's love

What happens when things don't go the way we expect them to in a relationship? What happens when your partner becomes someone you don't like so much? Are you willing to retrace your steps? Is he or she? Are you willing to recognize your own doings or are you the one to blame it all on your partner?

Miguel Espeche is an Argentinian Psychologist whose work we have set our eyes on. He has coordinated workshops in Buenos Aires for 22 years. These workshops are quite famous in the city. The topics are so varied (bonding, sexuality, family, aging, working), there is something for everyone.

Here is an extract of one of his cases we have translated:

"He didn't take everything away"

"His departure left loneliness and a lot of pain. He took everything when he left". She felt lonely, infinitely sad and most of all, deserted.

For her, he had been the mirror in which she had reflected and recognized herself for many years but her mirror was no longer there. She found herself caressing her kids at night, telling them words she wasn't sure of, looking at the world through a cold glass. All this because he wasn't there, because she remained at their home surrounded by their furniture and the objects that had been theirs for ages, objects that now seemed soulless, like her.

For good or for bad she had given him everything, even her own identity. She had chosen to be the verb instead of the subject, not because she was foolish, but because that was the way things unfolded. For her, it was a relief to have someone assume matters concerned with her own being and she went with it, she did what she thought was expected of her, she turned into an echo, instead of being the source of sound.

Time went by and she was surprised to feel alive again. She began to feel new emotions, these emotions were not his echo, they came from her own self, a source she started to like and value as others did. He, on the other side, felt that he had taken with him his own shadow, the one that was obstructing her personal feelings, her voice. She began to have her own dreams and desires and realized that he didn't have much to do with that anymore. She started feeling better, happier. She concluded he hadn't taken everything, he had only taken a part of her history.

Today they are flirting again, although they are still separated (this is a real story that is taking place). I don't know how this story will end but it is interesting to see how it is developing. He has already said that he felt saturated by what first attracted him to her "being everything for her", the undeniable center of her attention. She had also liked delegating her own being in that man. He had "broken the rules" of the game saying he felt lonely and in need of the company of someone else's voice, not just an echo of his own".

We think that if things get out of balance, it is up to each person in the couple to rediscover love without turning the other person into (or becoming) the subordinate, which as the extract shows, can ruin a relationship.

There are no villains in relationships. If there is love, difficulties can be overcome by trying to understand what each person's contribution to its wrong doing is. By working together finding healthier ways of relating to one another the relationship will obviously bring a lot of satisfaction and happiness.

Migue Espeche once said: "Healthy people suffer from love, that doesn't just happen to fools or ill people. The people that have the courage to assume the risks love requires are however, probably the healthiest."




Translation by Valeria Mendez Cañas extract from the July issue of Sophia Magazine

Palermo Exhibition

Don't miss James Joyce by Ana Lía Werthein at Dain Usina Cultural, you'll like it!




















I found out about this exhibition thanks to the kindness of one of our readers (we love our readers!) who sent us an email telling us that we should check it out. So I did!

The exhibition curated by Rodrigo Alonso, includes several of Ana Lía's works inspired by Joyce. Just as Joyce used all the literary resources available to him in his work, Ana Lía uses a rich repertoire of techniques including drawing, graphics, paint, manuscripts and watercolor painting in her exploration of Joyce, sharing with us her sensitive encounter with his universe via paintings, objects, sculptures, photography and mixed techniques.
























The artist who lives and works in Buenos Aires is also a psychoanalist.



From Tues. to Sun. from 10 - 21 hrs. Thames and Nicaragua St., Palermo.

words on love

I've been away on a little trip and I've had time to think and time to listen. I've come across some interesting people and read some great articles on love and relationships that I want to share with you.

Freud said that when we fall in love, we fall for a reflection of ourselves. We love, in the other person, those aspects that are very similar to ours. Love, for Freud, is illusory and based on narcissism. Of course that kind of love only lasts for a while but, how do we continue to love our partner once we are past that stage? Love, as we know, has to evolve, to mature. Jacques Lacan said that love is giving our partner what we don't have. Which means: to love is to recognize your lack and give it to the other, place it in the other. It’s not giving what you possess, goods and presents, it’s giving something else that you don’t possess, which goes beyond you. Our own flaws are involved and that is how we love, with our flaws. He also stated that we love someone who really isn't who we think he is, reminding us to be aware that a lot of narcissism goes into love.

Nick Paumgaiten wrote in "Looking for Someone" in The New Yorker Magazine, an article referred to contemporary love and the ways people use the internet in search of a companion. He comments on the work of Gian Gónzaga who runs a site called eHarmony. It seems that this site, which is used to pair people up, was born after many years of interviewing couples. By watching the way they interact, they can predict wether the relationship is going to work out or not. They look for specific traits: How do you treat your partner? How are your comments? Are they positive? Are they negative? Are they assuring? Do you underestimate your partner? Do you use humor in order to bring up issues that trouble you? Can you use humor in a positive way? Can you create constructive solutions to your issues? Do you have problems solving skills? Who has them? One? or both?
They say that sometimes, you mate with someone you think is right for you but in reality he or she is not. All goes well until some kind of incompatibility arises: "Incompatibility can often be unperceivable until a couple is subjected to some kind of difficulty of the world's devising: problems involving health, money, children or work". They blame stress for it, of course, but I see it with a different light: situations start becoming more real, narcissism fades away with time. What now? I think it is at this point where a lot of couples split up. They trick themselves into thinking they will be better off alone or with someone that will provide another narcissistic high for them.

Dan Savage, expresses his view in July 3rd, New York Times Sunday Magazine article "Infidelity Keeps us Together". He argues that in his relationship what has kept him bound to his partner was his and her honesty and allowing each other to have sex encounters with other people from time to time.

Dan Savage writes a column for Seattle's The Stranger, called "Savage Love", very contemporary indeed but my thinking is more along the line of Lisa Appignanesi's, author of "All about Love". In an interview in this month's issue of Elle Magazine by Ben Dickinson, she says: "Marriage is interesting now because we want so much out of it, and it's strains are therefore telling, so we develop huge resources of invention and patience and durability to make it work ... You don't want to just say 'Nothing is good if it doesn't have a positive ending or it's only good if it's easy and smooth and always happy'".

In this space, we are always looking out for people that we consider that stand out in their personal fulfillment, we have mainly written about artists. We think that we, as human beings, are the only ones in command of the relationships we seek, we build, we nourish, we surround ourselves with. Once we find the right match, it is up to us to drive the relationship to its best state and because the skills it requires, anyone that believes to be constantly contributing in that sense, we consider an achiever (no need to be famous, just proud). Cheers to you then.



Post: Vale Mendez Cañas
Photo: Mich

beauty II

Photo: Nina, my niece.


Beauty: A Culturally Misconceived Idea?
Who Wants to be a superstar?

What's with this idea of "cultivating" your image? Is, by any
chance, your body, a plant? Seriously, we all know how
important image is. The thing is, how important?injectting an 8 year old with botox important? I'm not going to start a rant against
botox, I've covered my thoughts on this before.

What I also said before and which I insist upon is that there is a strong link
between the affairs of the mind and those that regard our bodies. The reason is
simple.

It is the mind that makes the body do the strangest things, specially if
we let ourselves get over -influenced by influencers, if our ideals are
too high, or if our partner has too many expectations.

When it comes to beauty then, the question is: How far are we willing to go in
order to be liked and accepted by others? how about loving ourselves first?

Who said that you need to get others to like you for anything other than who you ARE? lets go back to that controversial mom for a second: wouldn't her
daughter be much better off IF instead of botox her mother told her how
beautiful and special she is? would it not do her good to feel loved for what
she is and not for what she looks like? to replace an injection of botox for one
of confidence and love? she'd do great in those beauty contests but more importantly, as an adult she would be able to lead a life where she feels good about herself and life where she can BE.

There is a new, O.B. Tampons TV add in Buenos Aires these days
where a girls tells a friend she can't go somewhere because she has
her period and she's afraid that her pads will not work well or look bad.
Her friend asks: "why don't you use a tampon?" She replies that a
friend has told her it's not good to wear tampons all the time, so the
other friend asks who she got that information from. Off they go trying
to figure out the source of the information. She was told by another
friend that was told by the lady that did her bikini line who was told
by a friend that was a guy, ha, ha, ha! The add ends saying:
"DESMISTIFICATE" (demystify).

Was it Elle Woods in "Legally Blond" that came up with the idea that
you have to work very hard for others to like you? Was it Emily in "The Devil
Wears Prada?" Isn't it the other way around? Don't we have to feel good with
ourselves first? How many diets do we have to start? How many hours do we have
to spend at the gym for others? how about doing things for ourselves? When
do we start a biomolecular treatment as an attempt to deny our age? and
most importantly, when do we realize that we are all beautiful?

My Psychoanalysis teachers taught me that if we only focus on our image
(remember the Witch in Snow White?) we put ourselves in a very poor place.
Why? because the image of our own selves appears very early in our own
development and in order to keep evolving, we need to keep adding content
to our mind structure, we need to absorb things that matter from our environment,
to play and love, to nurture our souls, to surround ourselves with nice people, that is how our mind starts improving;
that's what makes us love ourselves, our lives, and that's what makes us beautiful.

Our best and perhaps hardest "exercise" is to feel good with and
about ourselves. It is to let ourselves shine with our own light, this
is what makes you, you. It is from the inside that one becomes
beautiful. It is by filling our lives with great memories, our minds with
meaningful content and our hearts with love.

Palermo "Sensible"

photo: Coffee shop's logo where Freud's face is also a naked woman.


This post follows a previous one as no coincidence: If tango is a
space to let out your passion, consulting with a psychologist or
psychoanalyst is a way to tame your instincts and passions.

Psychoanalysis is a practice that defines an interesting amount of
Argentines: "if you live in Buenos Aires and don't have a
shrink,you must be mad" is a common saying here.

The career of Psychology is ranked 3rd in choice, so imagine.
The figures of the 2009 Census show that there is a Psychologist
every 120 inhabitants in the city of Buenos Aires itself. The stats
from last year's Census are not ready yet but we are to assume that
this number has increased.

Psychology is taught in its many versions here: French Lacanian School,
Freudian School, English School, Italian, Systemic, Cognitive,
Behavioral, etc. The beginnings of Psychoanalysis were pretty dark.
Starting in the 1940's, by 1949, the Argentine Association of
Psychoanalysis was accepted by the International Association of
Psychoanalysis. It was first taught in small study groups to
doctors, mainly to psychiatrists. Psychoanalysis was prohibited
during militar dictatorships (1976 - 1983) because it was considered
controversial, it made you think too much, in a period in which you
were supposed to follow orders blindly. Psychoanalytic books were in
the list of the books that were forbidden by the military - having one
of those books, openly being a pshychoanalist could get you killed.

Back in democracy, a law was passed regulating the practice of
Psychology in 1985. That is how the career of Psychology came into
being and has ever since maintained it's independence from the career
of Medicine. Universities throughout the country started teaching it,
expanding the amount of graduates.

There are so many students and so many patients in Buenos Aires
itself that it is very common to hear psychological slang in the
streets or in coffee shops. If you were in London and had an
interest in the field, you would of course, visit the Freud Museum.
Well, if you are in Buenos Aires, you would want to visit Villa Freud.
This is were the majority of the pshychoanalist in Buenos Aires have set
up their practices. It is located around Plaza Guemes between Honduras,
Av. Scalabrini Ortiz, Av. Sta Fe and Coronel Diaz. As a result of all the
psychoanalytic movement in the area, bars and cafés started to adopt
the mood, including shrink terms in their menues, etc. Two of these became
famous also because they echoed the name of the Founder "Sigi" and "Freud".

Wood Allen who has been taking some time off from NYC, should visit us some
day, he'd have a blast shooting one of his films here, no?